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How to Win Friends and Influence People: Book Review

How to Win Friends and Influence People, Book by Dale Carnegie

According to the study, the career success, only 15 % of his work depends on the skill, and the remaining 85 % depends on communication skills. The same is true of highly technical fields, such as engineering or similar fields.

No matter what profession you are in, most of your success depends on being able to communicate well with people, build good relationships with them quickly, and work with them. And today we will discuss a famous masterpiece written on communication skills.

How to Win Friends and Influence People, Book by Dale Carnegie

Dale Carnegie’s written most famous book is “How to Win Friends Influence People”. It was a mistake, just Dale Carnegie’s is the most famous book, 1936, published in the Communication Advice masterpiece is one of the most famous books Among the world. Every suggestion and argument in this book works great in real life. That is why 82 years after its publication, the book is still as popular as ever. In modern times the best-selling books on communication have come out, they are minimum a little inspired by this masterpiece by Dale Carnegie.

The book “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is considered to be the most effective book in interpersonal communication. The lessons of this book are very useful in communication, starting from personal life, institutional and professional level.

The 291-page book has sold more than 1.5 million copies so far, making it one of the best-selling books of all time.

From this book, you will learn how to have a good relationship with people, and do anything with anyone. If you can apply the lessons of the book properly, you will become much more efficient at getting your work done with any human being; As well as to the need, with anyone in a very short period of time, can create a good relationship.

Even though we know the effectiveness of the book, many of us cannot read this book of about 300 pages due to lack of time or many other reasons.

And so we’ve added the book’s main lessons to this article in the form of a review so that you can learn about its main lessons and apply them in real life without having to read the whole book.

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How to Win Friends and in Fluence People Book Review :

In the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, author Dale Carnegie beautifully teaches how to acquire effective communication skills for success in personal and professional life. In the book, he has taught several principles, which we will briefly inform you in this book review.

01. What people want, He has to give it

Food, clothing, shelter, education are the basic needs of the people. Outside of this basic need, the author has found another demand – which most people do not know. And that is, to others the importance and should be praised for his work. If you can give it to a person properly – then he will think you are a close person in a short time and will follow you willingly.

We forget to appreciate many small deeds of people. If a person does something with interest – then we should always give importance to that work.

If you look at it, You may notice that the People working in small positions always in an irritable mood. Only those with whom they are compelled to behave well – only treat them well. The main reason for their behavior is that no one cares about their contribution. And does not appreciate their work. They then become unnecessarily irritable and serious to increase their importance.

In many cases, there is unrest in the family for not appreciating the small contributions of the people.

If you want something from someone, give him something first. Word of mouth can do a lot more than just money.

You may want to do something with your team member – which is not what you want. Rather than force him, praise his skills, say you have not seen a better person better than him in this job – and he has that skill, he is now able to perform much better than. Then tell him what you want. Needless to say, you want it that way; Tell him it will be the best for his talent. You will see that he has become more sincere than before to act like you.

If someone comes to you and thinks he is important – he can do anything for you.

02 . So that people want to do your job themselves

As long as a man does not want it, then you will not be able to carry out any work with him. Maybe by intimidation and coercion, you can get the job done with him. However, the work will not be good in any way, so it will not be of any benefit to you.

Dale Carnegie gave several lectures at a hotel in New York. People used to come to listen to him with a lot of money. Such a lecture before he found out, the hotel authorities now want the rent more than 3 times than before.

By the time Carnegie received the news, all tickets to his program had sold out. And he didn’t want to pay so much rent.

He went to the hotel himself the next day and met with the manager. And said, “ I was quite surprised to read your letter. But I’m not upset about you at all. Your job is to bring more profit to the hotel. If I were you, I would probably do the same. I’m not saying you reduce the rent for me. I just want to write you some things. ”

Carnegie then took a paper pen and wrote down the benefits of renting it on one side, and the disadvantages of not renting it on the other.

He wrote: “ If you don’t give it to me, your hotel ballroom will be free. Which you can rent for a dance party or any other event. And you will definitely benefit from these.”

” On the other hand, whatever you get from me, You won’t get anything. because I can not afford to rent a Ballroom with so much money, so I have to rent another place. One more thing, educated and wealthy people come to listen to my lectures. And they spread the word of my lecture as well as the name of your hotel. If you spent $ 5,000 on advertising that will not be able to bring so many people, as many as came to my lecture.”

After writing several such comparisons, Carnegie handed the paper to the manager. Before coming, he asked the manager to think a little more and make the decision. The manager the next day sent a message to Carnegie that, 3 times you do not have to pay for rent.

Carnegie never once told the manager what he needed to do. Tickets are on sale, now he can’t change the venue – the manager would have gotten more if he had said that. What he does not speak, but the manager of the profits – losses will be, that’s just said.

Someone else in Carnegie’s place would either go to the manager and threaten to raise the rent at the last minute; Or he would beg for a reduction in rent, citing his own difficulties. Again, if the manager was proved wrong by reasoning, the manager would not reduce his rate. Because there are very few people in the world who can overcome their ego and admit mistakes.

Carnegie tells a story at the beginning of the book. Workers at a construction site were instructed to wear helmets at work, but they did not want to wear them. Although the management put on their helmets with various threats, they would take them off whenever they got a chance. Didn’t want to obey the law.

Then one tried a little differently. The laws, rules – do not talk about it, very nice, sincerely workers not wearing a helmet What may harm them – it explained. Construction on the site at any time that can fall down anything – If you do not have a helmet on your head there is a possibility of injury – such a thing, he said, including the goods. In short, he told the workers that they should wear helmets for their own safety. Then it was seen that the workers themselves are working wearing helmets. Those who are not wearing – other workers are asking to wear their helmets!

If you want to make someone do anything, then focus on their profit and loss Instead of your profit and loss. If you work in this way, people will want to do your work for their own benefit. If you can show people their own profits in your wor work, then automatically they will do your work – and it will be a much more serious way.

03 . Focus more on others than on yourself when communicating

Every human life is a movie of his own, in which the hero/heroine himself.

Most people say good things about themselves to be liked by others. And those who have not done it, they say more words related to their own. They think, is talking about own the other people will be impressed.

But this idea is completely wrong. No man in the world wants the man in front of him to be better. When you present yourself as better than him, he will unknowingly start disliking you. No one admits it on the face of it, but that’s the reality.

So, if you want to have a good relationship with someone in a short time or at first sight, give him more opportunity to talk. Show interest in him. When he can speak for himself – he will at some point become interested in learning about you.

Here is a theory of this, If you want to talk to someone and want to care, but the 25 % to just tell you, and the rest of the 75 % of other people will say.

To whom people can speak for themselves, people like him the most.

Once upon a time, an American phone company got into a lot of trouble. One of their customers talked about his various problems, forbade the people of the company to sleep at night and started campaigning against the company in various newspapers. At one stage he also filed a case. He did not even pay his arrears. Unable to bring the man to the bag in any way, the company hired a man named Larry to handle the man. Larry was a student of Dale Carnegie. He met the man a total of 4 times, and for the first time, he did not say a word about himself and listened to the man’s complaint for 3 hours straight!

He patiently listened to the man at subsequent meetings. Gradually the man listens to Larry about all his complaints. Larry agreed with the man without saying a word to the company. In the process, the man has a good relationship with Larry. And at one point he picked up all his complaints himself, even paying the arrears of the phone bill.

Larry understood the reason for the man’s use. He was after the company because no one was listening to him and he didn’t care. When he saw that a representative of the company was listening to him with all his heart, and he was accepting, his mood was just right.

If Larry had wanted to prove the man wrong in the first place and try to stop him using tactics – there would have been more harm than good. For most people, a toothache is more important than thousands dying in famine or war.

People actually want to hear their own words. And whoever listens to him with his heart and pays the price, will take him as his own.

So, listen to someone before you listen to them, then you can get in touch with them quickly.

In this context, the author writes in his book: ” You can make as many friends in 2 months by showing interest in others – you can’t make as many friends in 2 years by talking about yourself”

When it comes to communication, try to focus more on the person in front of you at all times. And Focus on the way, so you know he really curious about him.

04 . People’s names are very dear to him, Use it

The human name is one of his favorite things in the world. According to Dale Carnegie, communication using the name a lot of work can be achieved.

Billionaire Andrew Carnegie is considered the king of the steel business. He was so poor that at the age of 12 he was kicked out of the park for dirty clothes. He promises, he will be the owner of the park, he said. At age 42, he bought the park and released it to everyone. His net worth was more than 310 billion today.

This Andrew Carnegie was not too talented. He was not a brilliant technician and inventors like Steve Jobs, Thomas Alva Edison, or Elon Musk – he was very good at communication. Especially using people’s names, he could work with them in a great way.

Once as a child he brought a female rabbit at home. A few days later the rabbit gave birth to several chicks. But he could not get enough food to feed so many rabbits. A thought came to his mind. He called the neighbor’s kids, If they prepared a meal for rabbits, then he will call the rabbit’s name from one of the child’s names. Everyone was very happy to hear this and brought food for the rabbits every day.

Andrew also used this experience to get a billion-dollar business deal!

At the time of the construction of the Pennsylvania Railroad in the United States, Andrew Carnegie was not getting the job even after trying hard to get the job of supplying steel. Unable to find any intelligence for some time, he suddenly remembered his childhood.

He opened a new steel plant and named it “Edgar Thompson Steel Works” – because he was president of the Pennsylvania Railroad Project. When he saw that a company with his own name wanted to do the job – he gave the job to Andrew’s company without further ado.

Once again, there was fierce competition between Andrew Carnegie and George Polman for the job of building a train for the Union Pacific Railroad. To get a job, both of them were reducing the price of their products so much that neither of them was making much profit.

Andrew met Polman one day and explained everything. He explained to Polman that doing business together would be more profitable than competing. Polman listened to everything but he still didn’t seem likely to agree. He said anxiously, ” Suppose we started a company together, but what would his name be ?” – Andrew Carnegie said without a moment’s hesitation: ” Of course the name of the company will be ‘Polman Palace Car Company’ !”

George Polman smiled as soon as he heard this. And he invited Carnegie to his office to talk more about it. They later made one of the biggest deals in the history of the steel industry.

In the past, rich people paid writers to write their names in their books. Many people nowadays build hospitals, schools, etc. in the name of themselves or their loved ones – so that people remember their name for ages. The name of the man is so dear to him. And by using this favorite thing you can build a great relationship with him.

After a few minutes of speaking in front of the person, mentioning the name, remembering the person’s names, etc. small things will help you a lot in building relationships.

05 . Find places of interest to others

Point 3 was about focusing on others. It was said, to let people speak their own. If you want to utilize it in the well, then Dale Carnegie’s advice,  find the most interesting place to others. Talk to him about it. He will be much more interested and talk to you.

If anyone is interested in technology, then talk to him about Technology. You don’t have to know about technology, just ask him. Express interest in learning from him. You will see that he is talking to you with his own interest – and then he will do whatever you tell him with interest.

In the book, Dale Carnegie tells the story of Edward Calliff, a Boy Scout legend. He was a trainer of the Boy Scouts, and in his time he won the Scout’s most prestigious badge, the ‘Eagle Badge’ at the youngest age. The world’s largest Boy Scout Conference was once held in Europe. Calif wanted at least one boy from his group to attend the conference. But they did not have so much money. So Calif decided to go to a rich businessman in the hope of raising funds.

Before leaving, he found out that the man had written a check for 1 million, which he had framed after the check was canceled. 1 million in the 1920s and 30s means 10 million today, or more than a million dollars. And it was a really big event at the time, and to be bound in a frame meant, the businessman was proud of that.

Calif went to him with the merchant’s appointment and without saying a word about himself began to talk about the check and wanted to see the check. The businessman was very happy to show him the check. Then they started talking about checks, money – which is actually in the interest of the trader. After talking for a while, the businessman asked Caliph why he had come. Caliph spoke of his scouts and funds, and businessman happily, instead of one person Caliph including a total of 6 people, including a 7-week to stay in Paris, gave funds! He even gave his representative number there so that the scouts would have no problem. Towards the end of the tour, he went himself and showed the scouts around Paris.

Caliph later said, all this was possible because he was able to catch up with the main places of interest of that businessman.

If you can talk to anyone before understanding the most interesting place and you can talk about that  – then you can probably get something out of it – something that is unimaginable under normal circumstances.

06 . Let the other party think that he is making the decision 

Let me give a very simple example, suppose you have a new wife. Your favorite colors are blue and yellow. When you are discussing with your wife/husband what color curtains to put on the window, you tell them that your favorite color is blue or yellow curtains on the window.

Speaking of which, the other party will also remember his own favorite color. And if that doesn’t match you – then that’s the problem. Even if he is forced to accept, there will still be regret in him.

In that case, if you say it a little differently, then the chances of that happening are much lower. Instead of talking about your preferences, you can say, “ Well, should I put a yellow curtain on the window or a blue curtain? – Which one would you say is better ? ” – If you leave the decision-making power in the hands of the other party, then more than 90 out of 100 he will choose one of the options given to you. He will think that he is making the decision, but in fact, he is caught on your web.

Thus, in any case, you can do your work with others. However, in this case, the performance must be very good. Feel that you can’t make a decision and that you need his help.

In the case of teamwork, if such a / b option is presented to others, others will choose one of the options given to you – this is normal.

When most people see that someone is giving them superiority or importance – then they will happily do as you say without thinking much.

07 . Avoid unnecessary arguments

The keyword in Dale Carnegie’s book is to make others feel good about themselves.

And there is no better way to make a man feel small or bad than to argue with him and lose him in the argument.

You can argue with anyone, or who will be lost the debate – he will always avoid you.

If you will notice, anyone does not like some ideological people. Everyone wants to avoid them. But their ideology is not responsible for this. No one likes them because they always want to undermine the beliefs and arguments of others through debate.

If you want to be pleasing to anyone, but first avoid all kinds of debates. And if there is any disagreement – let him win. However, do not give way to win – so that he can understand, you want to win him. End the debate in such a way that the person in front realizes that he has silenced you with his reasoning and knowledge.

The best way to do this is to explain how his arguments changed your opinion. You can’t even imagine how happy people are. He will start to think of you as his own even more than many old friends. He would even say that after all this time he has got a man as he likes.

So, if it is not serious, Never get involved in a debate. Then you will see that you are easily getting a good relationship with many people.

08. Discount: Don’t try to win all the time

There are two words in English called “Mutual Benefit” and “Win-Win“. The basic meaning of the two words is roughly the same. If you can win yourself as well as others instead of just winning yourself – then you gain in two ways.

First, you win; And secondly, as a result of letting others win, the place of the relationship remained the same.

Let’s go back to the story of Andrew Carnegie again. He won a huge business deal with George Polman by name.

If you always want to win, and if you always want to get your point across – then after a while no one will want to listen to you anymore and avoid you. Give people discounts on small things, if possible, give discounts on big things. Then others will have a good idea of ​​you, and they will give you a discount if you need it.

Instead of being a stubborn type of person highlight yourself as a generous person in front of others. They will also be kind to you. Some people are mentally ill and their ego is too high, they don’t want to give up in any way. No one likes such people, and they are reluctant to give them a discount and stop giving them at some point. If you have this kind of problem, you can read our article on what to do to avoid ego.

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Last words:

Dale Carnegie’s book has been teaching people communication for almost 100 years. By applying its teachings, many people have changed the story of their lives. We hope this small effort of ours will help you even a little bit.

If you have learned anything from this article, let us know in the comments. If something is missing – also said, that we can add the next edit.

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Stay with us regularly to write more like that. Thanks for reading. 🙂